my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
