This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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