And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you made out with another girl for some wings
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
