You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
