i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
