I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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