I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Boobs speak an international language.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize