I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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