A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
