there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
