i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
