I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
