I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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