take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize