Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We are all done wearing pants today
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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