i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He has the fingertips of a God
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