Where did you get a picture of my penis
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
