i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
