I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize