Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
