and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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