I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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