I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
