her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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