ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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