2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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