My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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