i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
