I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
