i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
