Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
