jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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