At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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