.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
