Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
