first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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