We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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