the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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