"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
