youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize