Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
