Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Found the puke drawer
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How does one acquire holy water?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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