i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
