With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize