so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
