we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
