$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
