I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
