I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
