my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
