Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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