You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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