"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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