Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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