so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
