So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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