Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
