I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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