it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
