I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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