i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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