Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I am naked and annoyed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
