just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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