by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
