I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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