Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
